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Preview of Jmo’s blog at TravelPod. Read the full blog here: www.travelpod.com This blog preview was made by TravelPod using the TripAdvisor™ TripWow slideshow creator. Entry from: Chicago, United States Entry Title: “A Year of Living Well” Entry: “Leaving the adventure and animals of Africa behind we boarded our flight for Amsterdam and our return to the western world. This had been something we had both been looking forward to for a long time. Having spent so much time backpacking through the developing world we were both ready for everything we had been missing and dreaming of since leaving home. I wanted buffalo wings and a hot shower, Jan just wanted to finally put away her traveling clothes and wear something impractical and cute. Once we set down in Amsterdam we were immediately impressed by how well the city ran and how clean everything was. Spending so much time in Africa we had become accustomed to disorder and poverty, seeing a modern well run western city was a complete shock. We could do what we wanted, eat what we wanted, and go where we wanted whenever we wanted to. All the specific cravings that we had longed for vanished as soon as everything was available to us. It wasn’t certain food, or movies or clothes that we missed but the immense choice available. On first setting foot in the west after being in the developing world for so long that was the difference that was most striking, the incredible amount of choices. The other big difference we noticed …

Lyrics: A long, long time ago I can still remember How, alas, poor Yorick’s jokes drew groans He’d dance and sing and kiss my hand Like Elsinore was Neverland But then he went and joined the Skull and Bones And now, Horatio, I get shivers With every line the ghost delivers All the Globe has been dark ‘Cause something rots in Denmark I can’t recall a thing as weird As when dear old Daddy reappeared To say that he’d been poison-eared The day King Hamlet died So: To be or to choose not to be? That’s the question I’m digestin’ in my soliloquy And when fortune aims its slings and arrows at me Tell me how I’m gonna live through Act III? Answer, please, iambically Did you like Shakespeare in Love? And did you rewind for scansion of Gwyneth with her wardrobe gone? Now, do you believe in English Lit? Is brevity the soul of wit? If so, then why’s this bloody play so long? Well, I know this role has real cachet For each Branagh and Olivier Mel Gibson draws blood nice Man, I dig that Passion of Christ! I was a young, great Dane in British schools With my pet Ophelia and a dad who rules But I knew we’d been played for fools The day King Hamlet died So here’s the question: To be or choose rather to be Suicidal or to idle apathetically, Or is volition all it’s cracked up to be If “to die, to sleep, to dream” is lovely? (Please explain the question to me) Less than two months since the obit ran And Lord knows, frailty, thy name’s wo-man: My dumbass uncle wears Dad’s ring So I set the …
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Obviously this is a very special event and should not be taken lightly as this is going to be the happiest day of your life. With this in mind, you are going to do your damnedest to look like bride of the year. The last thing you want, is to look back in 20 years and wish you’d done a bit better at making yourself look your best or slimmer or taken more time to get rid of those bingo wings. So plan everything thoroughly as this will be recorded by everyone you know and viewed many time by relatives and your kids when they are older. No pressure

 Of course one of the simplest ways of looking like bride of the year on your wedding day is to make sure the bridesmaids are all ugly. Never invite a gorgeous friend or relative to be a bridesmaid. When planning the seating arrangements, make sure all beautiful people are at the back and out of the photo shots on the front table. Encourage all female relatives that have to be on the front table that look half decent to eat lots of chocolate leading up to the wedding. So that they have dreadful skin on the day and hopefully spots!

Continuing the chocolate theme… you will have to show great will power but this is a win, win situation. Have a wedding shower and make sure the beautiful women that are going to the wedding are there. Make a chocolate fondue but remember don’t eat any yourself. You can say you are too nervous to eat. They will love it! Finish with some cake or anything you know they love that is fattening and bad for you; this will ruin their skin and if they put on a few pounds as well… even better. Don’t poison or maim them that’s just too weird and you’ll get arrested. A wedding photo with a black number across your chest won’t impress anyone.

Hire a great photographer; they need to able to do those sassy pictures using filters and do a bit of airbrushing. If you have a word before the day and pay enough they will make sure you only appear in pictures with the less attractive people in the wedding party thus making you look like a film star or model. Make sure they are experienced with digital photography… do not hire someone who can’t doctor photos. Don’t forget these pictures are going to be around forever.

Supply those cheap wedding disposable cameras and make sure everyone gives them back at the end so you can have them developed and remove any discriminating pictures. Remember… make sure you have all the disposable cameras back! It only takes one thoughtful friend or relative to go and get the pictures developed to ruin the plan and render you an ordinary bride forever. This is very important and zero tolerance is necessary on this one. Hire a bouncer on the door if you need to, but make sure you get those cameras back.

Of course all members of the wedding party are forbidden from bringing cameras and all mobile phones must be handed in at the door on the way in. Don’t worry about setting up a system for remembering whose phone is whose, as you will be on honeymoon when anyone discovers they have the wrong phone and discover pictures of their mother-in-law polishing something organic in an unnatural way.

Back to you… remember this is going to be recorded forever so you don’t want to look like one of those toilet roll dolls in the 70’s. I’ve never seen a gorgeous wedding dress designed around a muffin top, so you may need to do some preparation.  If you don’t because you are “naturally thin” well lucky you; remember … no one likes a smart ass.

Well… that’s how to make sure you look like bride of the year. I hope you have enjoyed my little article and it has at least made you smile. If you are getting married enjoy and be happy.

‘The best thing I ate all year’
The things I tasted and loved best this year in Madison all bore out the adage “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” as afterward I obsessed about how to make each dish at home. I actually laughed and cried while eating L’Etoile’s plate of Honeycrisp apples with fried sheep’s milk cheese gnocchi, sage brown butter, toasted hickory nuts, buttermilk blue cheese and apple cider reduction.

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