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Obviously this is a very special event and should not be taken lightly as this is going to be the happiest day of your life. With this in mind, you are going to do your damnedest to look like bride of the year. The last thing you want, is to look back in 20 years and wish you’d done a bit better at making yourself look your best or slimmer or taken more time to get rid of those bingo wings. So plan everything thoroughly as this will be recorded by everyone you know and viewed many time by relatives and your kids when they are older. No pressure

 Of course one of the simplest ways of looking like bride of the year on your wedding day is to make sure the bridesmaids are all ugly. Never invite a gorgeous friend or relative to be a bridesmaid. When planning the seating arrangements, make sure all beautiful people are at the back and out of the photo shots on the front table. Encourage all female relatives that have to be on the front table that look half decent to eat lots of chocolate leading up to the wedding. So that they have dreadful skin on the day and hopefully spots!

Continuing the chocolate theme… you will have to show great will power but this is a win, win situation. Have a wedding shower and make sure the beautiful women that are going to the wedding are there. Make a chocolate fondue but remember don’t eat any yourself. You can say you are too nervous to eat. They will love it! Finish with some cake or anything you know they love that is fattening and bad for you; this will ruin their skin and if they put on a few pounds as well… even better. Don’t poison or maim them that’s just too weird and you’ll get arrested. A wedding photo with a black number across your chest won’t impress anyone.

Hire a great photographer; they need to able to do those sassy pictures using filters and do a bit of airbrushing. If you have a word before the day and pay enough they will make sure you only appear in pictures with the less attractive people in the wedding party thus making you look like a film star or model. Make sure they are experienced with digital photography… do not hire someone who can’t doctor photos. Don’t forget these pictures are going to be around forever.

Supply those cheap wedding disposable cameras and make sure everyone gives them back at the end so you can have them developed and remove any discriminating pictures. Remember… make sure you have all the disposable cameras back! It only takes one thoughtful friend or relative to go and get the pictures developed to ruin the plan and render you an ordinary bride forever. This is very important and zero tolerance is necessary on this one. Hire a bouncer on the door if you need to, but make sure you get those cameras back.

Of course all members of the wedding party are forbidden from bringing cameras and all mobile phones must be handed in at the door on the way in. Don’t worry about setting up a system for remembering whose phone is whose, as you will be on honeymoon when anyone discovers they have the wrong phone and discover pictures of their mother-in-law polishing something organic in an unnatural way.

Back to you… remember this is going to be recorded forever so you don’t want to look like one of those toilet roll dolls in the 70’s. I’ve never seen a gorgeous wedding dress designed around a muffin top, so you may need to do some preparation.  If you don’t because you are “naturally thin” well lucky you; remember … no one likes a smart ass.

Well… that’s how to make sure you look like bride of the year. I hope you have enjoyed my little article and it has at least made you smile. If you are getting married enjoy and be happy.